Channeling John Madden—The 2023 'All-Madden Team'

By John Turney 

For two decades, Hall-of-Fame coach and broadcaster John Madden blessed us with his annual de facto All-Pro team. But they were not just All-Pros; they were "his kind of guys" -- players who caught his eye, players he thought were special and would like to have coached.

His All-Madden team was so popular that some players he picked said they'd rather have been All-Madden than All-Pro. That's how respected it was. 

This is our homage to the football legend, picking players whom we think might have been "his kind of guys" and doing in his unique style, his voice.

"Boom! Bang! Whap! Doink!

OFFENSE

Offensive line

That All-Madden team is about my guys, and my guys are the offensive linemen. They get nasty, dirty, sweat, and spit. You won't see them on the cover of magazines or making many commercials. They just get hard work done; the stuff that's gotta be done for a team to win games.

The center I like most is Jason Kelce. Yeah, he's older and has now announced that he's hangin' them up, but he was still a leader and could still run. And he can still lead sweeps and get downfield like Jim Otto used to. 

He's like a lot of those old centers in the 1970s who could run, Len Hauss of Washington or Rich Saul of the Rams. Kelce also sets the tone for that Eagles "Tush Push" that no one can seem to stop. I wish I would've thought of that. 

Yeah, he's All-Madden in his final season.

Trent Williams is like Art Shell: a man-mountain, that moves like a cat. Heck, I saw him do a pass set where he hopped back on one foot like he was on a pogo stick. He also can be nasty, and I love that about him.

The right-side tackle is Penei Sewell, and he can block the run ... he can pass protect ... you can line him up as an extra tight end or a fullback ... and, if you want, he can run a pass route from those spots, not just lead block.

Those are my tackles. The way they block makes their quarterback sleep easy. And speaking of sleeping easy, you can always get a good night's sleep at Ramada Inn. Ramada -- a very good place to be.

No one knows offensive linemen. They're anonymous, and guards are the most anonymous. They are the anonymous of the anonymous. No one knows who they are or what they do.

This year my guys are two with a common name, one that is nondescript. They are Tyler Smith and Trey Smith. Two guards named Smith. Perfect. Both are par'ful and but can be nimble, too.

But wait, you have to have a guy who can fill in, and be your third tackle in case someone goes down. That guy is Jason Peters. At 41 years old, he came back and started a couple of games. He's been a pro's pro. He reminds me of Jackie Slater, who also started a game at 41.

Peters was a guy who started his career as a tight end, so you could use him as a blocking tight end. You gotta have a guy like Jason Peters. Heck, he could probably play guard if one of the Smiths went down.

Tight end

I had a tight end named Dave Casper who was a tackle at Notre Dame. The Steelers had a tight end named Larry Brown whom they converted to tight end. Down the coast from me, in Los Angeles, the Rams had a guy named Bob Klein, who became a dentist. But there was a serious conversation about him being moved from tight end to tackle. 

They won't do that with George Kittle, but they could. He fits that mold of a player.

George reminds me of All-World tight end Russ Francis who played tight end in a running offense in New England. He was a 4.5 guy who liked to surf big waves in Hawaii, and could catch anything you threw to him. 

The problem was: The Patriots didn't throw much, and, when they did, it was deep to guys like Stanley Morgan and Harold Jackson and ... God rest his soul ... Darryl Stingley. So that made Russ more of a decoy.

Later in Big Russ's career Bill Walsh traded for him but used him more as a blocker than a receiver. But Russ did as he was told and blocked like Casper, like Brown, like Klein.

But boy, oh, boy if that guy got a chance to play today he'd be like George Kittle. He'd run wide-receiver routes. He'd run the pipe and split cover-two defenses. He blocked defensive ends, and he'd be just like George Kittle is now.

Oh, yeah, there are tight ends with bigger numbers than Kittle. And they are great, great players who will be in the Hall of Fame with Kellen Winslow and Tony Gonzalez someday. But I want a throwback tight end. I want a tight end who blocks like a tackle and catches like a receiver. 

That's George Kittle.

Not only that but after this year's Thanksgiving game, he was offered a turducken leg for his performance. George took the whole thing into the locker room to share with his teammates ... and even shared it with the fans. 

Anyone who would share his turducken with fans and his teammates has to be an All-Madden.

Receivers

Today's game is a passing game, and you have to have the sleek, fast guys that can get chunks of yards against any kind of coverage the defenses throw at them. You got man and zones, shells and quarters. You can have run dime and nickel packages, penny fronts and every coin in your change purse, but Tyreek Hill is one of those guys who can take all your money. 

His nickname is "Cheetah," and it's perfect. He has the speed of a Cliff Branch, and the Dolphins use him in a variety of ways. Short, deep, in the slot, on the move, on sweeps. Just everything.

I also am going to go with CeeDee Lamb of the Cowboys. You can line him up outside, inside, motion him, it doesn't matter. He just gets open and makes plays. 

And breaks records. 

He's the latest in the Cowboys' tradition of a receiver wearing number 88. And now he holds the club records for receiving. His stats are better than Drew Pearson's. Better than Michael Irvin's. Better than Dez Bryant's. When you're the top number 88 in Dallas you're All-Madden.

Terry McLaurin of Washington reminds me of Gary Clark, who played for the same team. Just a tough guy who plays wide receiver. You always have to have a third wide receiver like him. 

No, he does not have eye-popping statistics, but he does get you 1,000 yards every year And when you watch him, your eyes pop. He's been stuck in a poor situation in the nation's capital but if he could be on a good team with a consistent quarterback he'd be a household name.

You also need a guy as a wide receiver who can play running back and who can throw it, and that's Deebo Samuel of the 49ers. I need him on my team.

Quarterback

There is one guy that stands out right now and that's Lamar Jackson. He leads the Ravens, and he's someone who would be fun to coach. He can throw for 300 yards on you or, if he wants, run for 100 yards. 

He can be a pinpoint passer with a quick release or throw it deep. I'd love to match him up with Tyreek Hill and CeeDee and Deebo. 

But what Lamar does most is win. Thirteen games this year in 16 starts. I know, I know, with teams in the NFL today there are analytics people who run all sorts of fancy numbers and such, and part of what they will try to tell you is: "Quarterback wins are not a stat." And that's all fine; maybe they aren't a stat. 

I'll tell you what they are: They are the object of the game. Winning is why we all got into playing and coaching.

You could go back decades and ask Johnny Unitas or Otto Graham or Joe Montana what they wanted most -- good stats or their championship seasons.

My old boss, Al Davis, said it best, "Just win, baby." Did Al care if Kenny Stabler or Jim Plunkett had good numbers or if they threw interceptions? 

Heck, no. 

Al wanted Super Bowl rings. And that is what Lamar Jackson is trying to get done -- bring another Lombardi Trophy for the city of Baltimore. Forget the stats. Forget the MVP. Forget the Pro Bowl. I guarantee you, my All-Madden quarterback wants to win it all. That's why Jackson plays the game, and this year might be the year he does it.

Running back

This year Christian McCaffrey is my running back. He runs. He catches. He blocks. He passes. He does everything, and that is what I need on my team if you haven't noticed.

Versatility. 

My team has to have a fullback, and maybe more than one. So that is what I'll do. I know, I know people say the blocking back position is going the way of the dinosaurs. Extinction.

The Ravens' Patrick Ricard not only plays fullback; he plays tight end, he's played defense, he lead blocks and blocks on the edge as a wing or tight end, and, if you want, he can play defensive line.

Kyle Juszczyk is not as big, but he does all those little things, too I have to have both of them. Juszczyk is a Swiss Army knife. Like Ricard, he plays fullback, but he can carry the ball and catch passes better. He can motion into the quarterback position and take a snap and sneak for a first-down in short yardage. I bet he could throw a pass if he had to. He currently is the emergency quarterback for the Niners and had to play it last year when all of 49ers passers went down.

DEFENSE

Defensive tackles

In 1985 I picked seven nose tackles for my All-Madden team. On my team, I can pick whoever I want as many as I want -- of any position. 

This year I'm going to pick extra guys who play inside. They all are my kind of guy. Quinnen Williams and Dexter Lawrence are both tearing up Gotham City for the Jets and Giants.

Sexy Dexter is a member of B.U.B.B.A.—the Brotherhood United of Bad Bodies of America. He's 6-foot-4, and weighs 342 pounds (so the roster says, but he looks bigger than that), and he's a rock in the middle of the Giants' defense. 

Big Dexter is a throwback to Michael Carter, one of the seven nose tackles I chose in 1985. An immovable object. And people forget that Carter had seven sacks that year. Big Dex also has seven, so he does a pretty good job as a pass rusher.

Quinnen is like that, too. He just messes up blocking schemes and frustrates opposing offensive coordinators by messing up their game plans.

You have to have a guy who can rush the passer from the inside, Dexter and Quinnen can do it, but it's not their forte. Rushing the passer is Aaron Donald's forte, and, boy, is he good at it. He's done it every year since he came out of Pitt a decade ago. Teams cannot stop him. They put one guy on him, two guys on him, three guys on him, and it doesn't work. So, then they try and hold him, and that doesn't work, either.

I have seen a lot of great defensive tackles in my time-- Joe Greene, Bob Lilly, Alan Page, Merlin Olsen -- and Donald is as good as any of them. In fact he might be BETTER, the guy may be the G.O.A.T. -- the greatest of all time.

Defensive ends

Yeah, I said defensive ends; not edges. Edges are for shaving. And for shaving, I like Gillette™. Smooth, safe, and comfortable. That's an edge I can understand.

As I was saying, I like defensive ends who can rush and play the run. Maxx Crosby is that guy. He has sacks and also has tackled the running back 11 times for losses. He's blocked a kick and gets held about 10 times a game. His nickname is "The Condor" because of his long arms or wingspan, and when he gets a sack, he flaps his arms like one. Hey, my team needs a little flair.

In today's game, some people think defensive linemen don't need to stop the run. Lemme tell you: They still do. In these 4-2, 5-1 or even 3-3 fronts with six guys in the box you have to have linemen who are conscientious about stopping the run, and Mad Maxx is one of those kinda guys. He could be one of two guys entering Thunderdome and be the one who leaves.

Nick Bosa is like Crosby, but he moves around more. He's a speed guy. He's a power guy. He's a hands guy. He's a good-looking guy, and his stomach has what they the call a six-pack. We used to call that a washboard stomach in the old days. 

But he's like Howie Long, and you have to have that around. You can't just be a bunch of big uglies. You need a PR guy, someone that says, "Hey, we look good." That's Bosa.

He still gets a lot of pressure on the quarterback but didn't have as many sacks this year. But what people didn't notice is how many times he stuffed running backs in the backfield. He has more of those this year. He was last year's Defensive Player of the Year, and he's hoping to get a Super Bowl trophy this season. Speaking of hardware, when you have a tough job to do, make sure you go to your local Ace Hardware™ store. They make your hard work a little easier with the right tools for your job.

Linebackers

As you can tell, I like guys who can do more than one thing, and Micah Parsons is that kind of guy. He plays outside linebacker, inside linebacker, defensive end and defensive tackle. Heck, he could probably play defensive back. In that way, he's like Bobby Bell, the Hall-of-Fame linebacker for the Chiefs. We could never do anything against that guy. We'd think he's covering, and he'd blitz. We'd think he's going to blitz, and he drops into coverage. Parsons also reminds me of Lawrence Taylor because sometimes he's simply unblockable.

Fred Warner of San Francisco is my inside linebacker. We didn't have guys like them in my day, not playing inside, that is. There were a few guys like them playing outside. Tall, rangy, fast, but Warner could play power forward in the NBA. They run, get their hands up so you can't throw over them and cover so much ground you can't run around them. You can't do anything. Both are like heat-seeking missiles . . . they hone in on their targets and close fast and smack you.

Secondary

The safety I like is Antoine Winfield, Jr. Today's safeties have to do a lot. There are no strong safeties and free safeties anymore. Teams have to have safeties that do everything. Cover, blitz, tackle ... and that's Winfield. He made tackles, sacked quarterbacks, intercepted passes, knocked balls loose and fell on them once they were loose.

As my other safety, I'm going with the Honey Badger, Tyrann Mathieu of the Saints. I love the way he plays football. He can play like a ball-hawk type safety. He can play slot, linebacker, whatever you want, he can do it.

You gotta have guys who can cover. Sauce Gardner, he's going to cover you with sauce. The kind of sauce I like is the special sauce on a Big Mac®, and, boy, is that stuff good. And remember, people, nobody can get you a great hot meal faster than McDonalds™. Anyway, Sauce is a lot like my Willie Brown was-- just stick him out on the other team's best receiver and leave him alone, and you can be sure that guy will be covered.

My other corner is the Cowboy whose name is Bland, but he's anything but. DaRon Bland is spicy, hot, exciting -- all of that. He stole nine passes and took FIVE back for touchdowns. I've had offensive players that didn't have that many touchdowns in a season. GOOD Players! 

All-Purpose player

Another guy who can do a ton of things is Taysom Hill. He can run the ball, catch it, throw it. He plays special teams. He could probably drive the team bus if you asked him to. I woulda loved having him on my team. I would wonder, though, how can a tough guy be so nice? I mean, he probably teaches Sunday school in the off-season.

SPECIAL TEAMS

Kickers

The Ravens' kicker, Justin Tucker, didn't have his best year, but he's still a kicker who belongs on my team any day. He can kick darn near a 70-yard field goal or sing an aria, whatever that is, I guess it is some kind of opera, but you have to have some culture and Tucker brings that to the All-Madden team to go along with his big leg and a knock for avoiding "doinks".

Johnny Hekker of the Panthers is like Ray Guy. He nails teams inside the 20-yard line more than anyone, which creates long fields. He's a good athlete, can throw a pass for you on a fake punt or as a holder on a fake field goal. And though there may be guys with a better gross average, what we looked at when I was coaching was the net average and hang time. 

That's what matters, and that is what Johnny Hekker brings you. Like Justin Tucker, Hekker may not have been the best statistically this year, but he's still the punter I want on my team.

Returner

It's too bad KaVontae Turpin does not get more chances to return kickoffs. Teams make sure he doesn't get his hands on the ball. They avoid him because he's the best kickoff returner in the game. So even though he didn't qualify for the league leadership, he's who I want standing at the goal line waiting for a kickoff.

To be honest, Gunner Olszewski is not the best punt returner. The top guys averaged 16 yards a return, and my pick only averaged 12. But he took one back for a touchdown. Plus, I need a guy named "Gunner" on my squad.

Coverage guy

The Patriots always have a good specialty-team guy going way back to Bob Gladieux, Mosi Tatupu, Larry Whigham, Larry Izzo and, recently, Matthew Slater. All of them were great.

We used to call them the suicide squad or the bomb squad, and they'd run down and bust wedges. But that was then. Kickoffs are being taken out of the game now.

The guy they have now is Brenden Schooler. Talk about going to school. Brenden taught us something new when he motioned from the outside to the kicking formation and blocked a kick. I've seen a lot of blocked kicks -- I coached the best ever at it: Ted Hendricks -- but I never saw anyone do what Schooler did.

Schooler got down and made tackles in kick coverages. He tied for the NFL lead in solo tackles by a special teamer. Schooler fits perfectly with the Patriots' legacy of gunners, wedge busters and kick blockers.

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Well, that's my 2023 All-Madden Team, and I think I can coach them to a few wins. We can run the ball down the opponent's throat and throw it around the field. We can rush the passer and stop the run. We can kick it ... block your kicks ... we've got guys who can play multiple positions. So you never know who is going to do what.

We're versatile, we're smart, we're tough and ornery. We got a Cheetah and a Honey Badger, a Condor and a G.O.A.T. We have an opera singer and a "we-look-good guy". We've got throwbacks and keepers. We have it all.

They're my kinda guys.

After the game, we'll sit down and have a Miller Lite©, which tastes great and is less filling than your regular beer. Everyone will enjoy that, I think. Well, except Taysom, he'll have a Sprite© or something.